This day that now is ending, it’s of these days to forget.
I’ve promise my children that today we will going to the beach, so i got up from bed with sleepy and I make an effort to go.
The morning started quite bad, as my son got up slightly earlier than us, and began insulting me, knowing that this make me to get nervous , when we went down the stairs to go to the car, I already was very anxious, but this wasn’t the worst, as my daughter started calling me unresponsive with my son and with herself.
From this moment, whenever I said or did shr reproached me making me feel as if was idiot. I knew that I wasn’t idiot, but i had an anxiety attack and I cried, trying people don’t aware from my cries.
My daughter knowing how I am, she ordered me that I stop, what she managed was that I went on crying. All this meanwhile was having lunch opposite the sea. My son slowed down, but my daughter was embarrassed of me, and I was embarrassed for this behaviour. And this continued until her friend and my son told her that who needed to stop was her, because I wasn’t speaking in the whole day.
From this moment my feeling were worse and worse, until I got a hard anxiety attack while I was driving to come back home. I wanted died, I cried, I pushed hardly the steering wheel, but my son who was aware of how I was .
I thought in cut my veins at home, in go to urgency to will me and inyección to will calm me in order to no try to kill me. In the end I came back house, I talk very seriously whith them, so as them won’t behave in this way never more , my son insulting and do putting me out and my daughter ridiculing me. Then I ask for two pills and went to bad to can cry without the need of hide me.
Besides today I spend part of the day thinking in that I never will find the love, I may well forget about love. Because I’m in love with Jose Luis, and he isn’t. I wouldn’t find nobody who can like me, and in case I would have a relationship, I couldn’t support to be dumped again.
In sum up, the depresión are with me, sometimes hardly and another not as hard as at the beginning , and on other hand I must forget utterly about love, even though it’s what I most crave of this life. And the fact that a nice man was interested in me, made that I realised that I’llKuns ist teclear (by Daniel Petko) never be in love again. My real love will stare embebed in my mind.
Tristeza sale por todos los poros de mi piel, y llevo mucho tiempo y aun no he conseguido sonreír un solo momento.