To understand better, see previous post The evil eye or Evil Eye.
It was 5 pm, again an anxiety attack, an uncontrollable desire to die.
As the impulsive peers one that I am, I quickly had a shower and went to the house where the woman who supposedly removes “the evil eye” lives. I had to wait over an hour and the queue was growing by the minute. I came in incredulously,and said, “I do not know why i am here, but to try”. She answered me “you have come because you have a deep depression and you are already at the bottom”.
She started talking about my life, my traumas carried since childhood, of my desires and concerns that were huge. The inconsistency between what I want and what I have done, so that peace can not find it, the influences of other people in my decisions that led me to wrong ways, of my feelings of guilt for thinking and desire different, my huge lack of love and feel loved and my need of freedom. He told me my life, without i saying a word. She also told that I had given up on life, looking for death as the only way out to rest in peace. I began to mourn.
How I need answers, I asked her about the way she had come all this information.
“I’m not special”, he replied and continued: “The world is governed by positive and negative, black and white, parallel and opposite energies and all everybody are full of them, and I a little more, so I have the ability to feel them.”
According to her, in me, two things happen; the first is that I have a great depression created by my mind, my decisions, and the influence of others and for not being around people with positive energy, etc., and on the other hand, i have the so-called “evil eye” which not it is more than people who for whatever reason envies you and also have the ability to remove the positive energy to someone else. In short, between my depression which fill me with negative energy, and tthee positive one had been left by my kidnapped. Whereupon, what left in me? A vacuum with the only thought of death, the darkest of all energy.
Although I do not know if this is true or not what I do know, it is that what she said about me, is exactly what I write in my poems, as I feel and how I’ve felt since childhood. And the talk that we had then, helped me understanding a little more about me. According to her, I must find my inner peace and know who I am, since I am lost, and once you find me, I have to seek the way I want, and for that purpose she will work with me, sharing gradually his energy and wisdom.
I do not lose anything, there has been no witchcraft, or saints, or anything that makes me feel rejection, simply she put his arms around my shoulders and talked about me and then we talked each other.
I said initially, what can I lose? I will continue with my medical treatment, my sessions with the psychologist, my relaxation exercises, and continue testing this new option, while helping me feel.
Today, I realised that when I was a child, parents usually teached to be honest, work and feel guilty for the others’ pain rather than to struggle to be happy.