Diary 22/06/ 2016

4,30 pm . I have been at hospital since 11,00 am. My brother wanted to take me here last night, but I told him that it would be better today

This morning, I tried to speak in a calm way with my children, in order to propose them that all of us need to make a great effort to enhance this problem. I also wanted to tell them that I am not in this state because I want, it’s more,  I do want to be so, but I have a mental illness that doesn’t  allow me behave rationally.

But I couldn’t speak anything so daughter started saying that let her alone because she was sleeping. Then, new thoughts of death run through me, I wore quickly to go out and do something against my life, but my son clocked the door and hid the kiss, so couldn’t go out. After that, my son called my mother and my brother, and he came at home to take me in the hospital.

After waiting about six hours, the psychiatry saw me.

Sum up that  psychiatry told me:
– The room of mental illness is crowded and with people who are a bit violent. This  isn’t the best moment to ne there, because hospital is changed of place too and every thing going is a disaster.  In July  everything every patient in the new one, so now there is quite chaotic, and besides to be at hospital is only a temporal solution that not solve my problem for long time.

  • She recommend me to go with a familiar or someone to take care of me until my next appointment, and leave my stressful home. Mmeanwhile she has prescribed me new medication to I keep calm this days ( almost asleep in order is can’t self-harming.
  • She asked me for an urgent appointment next friday when my psychiatry check me if I will enter at hospital or no, and then hewill prescribe me another new medication utterly differently from I have now.

Now, I am at home, my daughter is making her suitcases to leave house because she can’t put me up. She is going to a friend of her’ so house.
My son doesn’t stop making noise.

I am  in bed willing  die again, but alive.

– by Dreams’Espe
22/06/2016

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