Sunday in July,
My son is closed to to me, so close that I have not slept well, since the bed is so small that it has been almost impossible to find a suitable place.
Now it is about 9 am, and the noise that comes from the beside bedroom, shows that they are making love like last night. My memories don’t want to remember last time I made love, even though I have just thought about José Luis, but is so much hurting his memories that I prefer change quickly my mind.

The another first thought this morning has been to kira. What will be she doing now so alone? Would have Alba looked after her? I miss Kira, her joy when she sees that we are going to go out. I am so much glad to have her.
My son keeps on asleep while I can hear Tania spinning in bed. I am about to wake them up because we are having breakfast at 10 with Tere and Gustavo. After this we are going to the beach.
When I think that i had not gone to the psychologist last Friday, nerves take over my.
I want to be with Kira now. She helps me to reassure my anxiety.

Beach ” La Misericordia” in Málaga
Blue sky, hammock with shape like we were in Indonesia and an utter anxiety attack.
I don’t have any reason to be so mad, thus I a, going to need lot of time to enhance from this mental illness. I miss Kira, could it be the reason? Or maybe is it the continuous discurse of my son? I am not sure, perhaps it is only I am I’ll and I don’t need any reason to trigger this attacks.
Writing call me down, therefore I am doing it. I am thinking that I should be more affectionate with people to they don’t have to endure my bad mood.
I feel fat, male humorous,.. to sum up I fell embarrassing of myself, in spite of yesterday that I was more enjoyable than today.

Neighbourhood could be annoyed anywhere, even in the beach. Yes, I have today a noisy neighbour of hammock whose tone of voice overtakes the rest of the sound, even so the noise of the waves.
I already know where we lives, which is his job, even the days when he wants to go on holidays, even tough he still don’t know certainly where he is going to go.

Tere and Gustavo, my son and Tania, and I with my depression which is changing into Kira as my loyal companion. I miss Kira until the point that I am thinking about not going tomorrow to the mutua to give in te documentation to receive my benefit.
4,30h, the waves are like my anxiety, going up by moments. Te temperature is utterly perfect, a light and likeable breeze go though my skin and the colour of the see is between blue and green, with their different localities.
I am glad my son is approximately with Tania, and my headphones unable me to listen to chill out music. But all of tissue don’t fill me . I am getting more and more depressed, so much than I’d like to be home now with Kira.
I can feel horribly in the best paradise.

In a tipyc bar un an industrial zone in Málaga, where people seem more former than where I live. Not all in Malaga is rich tourists and beautiful bodies.
Waiting for food to take away in this bar, listening to Estopa , with photos of famous actress of Hollywood, it seems to take out from a Almodovar’s film.

Again in the bedroom to have a bath to go to see the procession in the sea. Today I have written a lot in the beach, later I will copy it in this page.

I haven’t managed to calm down in the whole day, anxiety has returned with strength. I realise that I am alone, despite today I am accompanied. Job, friends, money, partner, traumatic experience with my ex-boyfriends, a whole world that go on being inhospitable and unsuitable to me.

Anyway, Tania is so nice, I hope not to made them get nervous, but the control is outside of me.

10pm, We are sitting in a mound lawn in front on the sea. It’s getting dark, and the views are magnificent. The crowded promenade is behind us. All of us are waiting to the Virgin passes on a boat, but we already can’t see anything.
11 pm we don’t know the reason but there wasn’t the procession, thus we are now way home with tiredness but with satisfaction too.
I am really glad about the decision to spend this weekend with them.
Now I am looking forward to seeing Kira as the end of this good time.

– by Dreams’Espe 16/07/2016

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