Cuando repentinamente se muere la nuera de una amiga, a la cual en todo este proceso no he sido capaz de verla ni cogerle el teléfono. Y le escribo hoy un mensaje para darle mis condolencias y ella responde: “Ves, todo tiene solución menos la muerte. Tus problemas no pueden ser tan graves como para no querer ver a nadie”.

Y yo pienso, “no quiero ya solucionar a nada, no me entiende puesto que lo único que me ha interesado durante este tiempo ha sido precisamente eso, la muerte y además ojalá hubiera sido yo en vez de su nuera, que ella si quería vivir, yo ya no”. En ese momento es cómo si me hubiera caido un jarro de agua fría, despertandome, y dandome cuenta que sigo enferma y hundida. El fondo de mi alma no ha cambiado.

Perdón Paqui, aunque tu no lees esto, pero el no querer ver a nadie es algo más  complejo que mis probemas


When suddenly the friend of mine’s son’s wife  dies, and I have not been able to see my friend or answer her phone calles in this process of my mental illness and today at long last I have written a message to her to give my condolences, and she has replied: “You see, everything has a solution except death, Your problems can not be as serious as not wanting to see anyone.”.

And I thought  “I do not want to solve anything, she does not understand me because the only thing that I has interested in,  during this time it has been just death and  I also wish it had been happened to me instead of her daughter in low”.

At that precise moment I felt as if I had fallen a jug of cold water, waking me up to realize that I’m still really sick and depressed. The deep of my soul has not changed.

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