Once upon a girl, full of dreams and fantasies. Sometimes she daydreamed imagining herself as a strong woman , feisty , successful, and overall free, living a passionate and adventures life.
She imagined living the world in their own way and being admired for it.
That girl fought stronger , and sometimes even got it, but everything was so sporadic that every step he took , she had to steep two back , but she gave three more and so.
For years, she sought that her dreams and fantasies were true.

But a day, she began feeling sad, because his dreams weren’t reality at all, but she thought it’s normal, so she continued doing all this activities such as, working, going to dancing classes, hiking, going to her English classes, going out for a beer, and… what else? Looking love.

This activities made her not to think about her life, but sadness were becoming stronger, until the point that she started leaving out her dancing classes, after that, she didn’t go out with friend, even turn off her mobile, but the English class and the job were so important, that she could never leave out them.

But anxiety started controlling her live and she couldn’t concentrate properly in job, and it’s more, from time to time, she suddenly went off without saying any word, to cry or to go to urgency by her anxiety attacks.
This was the point, when she had to talk her boss, and she realised that she was really ill.
Her colleagues have already noticed that she didn’t work as effectively as before. She worked as an engineering building, and any mistake is extremely important, so everybody have to do the best in this job but her best, were lost.
The medication, the depression, anxiety got more and more strong and soon she thoughts that she didn’t feel like going to her English class, only for a day in order to rest, but she never came back.

Her children had not a mother who made their food, and other cares yet, they only had a mother lying on bed, crying or sleeping, and from time to time, she took more pills that the doctor had prescribed her, so she spent the day like a junkie.

Death began to full her thoughts as the only way out, but she can’t, she must not, for her children and family, but the demons were getting more and more tempting.

Now she struggle every day to not being a addict to pills, try every day to go out for shopping even thought her anxiety attack, she now has a dog to take care in addition to her two children.
She don’t have any illusion, her job contract ended last month, death keep on on his head, and the only thing she do without make an effort is writing, though  she have never written anything of this kind.

I know my English has some mistakes, but,  this is me, or this was me.

~ Writing by Espe P.~

08/06/2016

 

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12 thoughts on “About Me

  1. I hear you. It is hard to keep going. I only get out of bed because I have to use the bathroom. Some days are better than others. I was told that what I have to look forward to is having quality days and enjoying them when I have them. I refuse to accept that. I will rise like a glorious phenix out of the ashes of this living hell. Keep fighting the good fight. ❤

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  2. Hang in there – I struggle with anxiety, depression, and BPD. Also relate to seeing my dreams vaporizing before my eyes, but trying really hard to fight. You are not alone. I look forward to checking out more of your blog! xx Blooming Lily

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  3. I suffer with depression and was addicted to many drugs for a while…so I cannot go that route again and refuse medicated help though I have tried talking therapies. I slowly weaned myself off those drugs slowly and gradually and began to find the true me. But you need advice on how these drugs can a) help you combat the physiological problems facing you, and b) non addictive if possible therapies.

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    1. I take 6 pills a day, this is the dosis my psychiatry prescribed me. But at first, I was taking, 20, 30, up to 60 pills a day to sleep or die, I am not sure. I also go to a psychology every week. I can say is am a bit, only a bit better than at first, because then I didn’t even get up. But my process seems to be stopped. The improvement is minimum. Thanks for your advice. You have a friend here, if you need.

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