There are moments,
Moments of doubt
All those moments I do not know where it is since now.
Now there are moments of struggle,
moments of disappointment,
moments of discouragement and lack of love,
And especially moments of pain.
There are moments and moments
and lately the efforts are incessant,
for changing the moments of suffering and affectation
To moments of thoughtness and action
And after all the commotion, she went in silence.
I have not written for a long time but the words are blocked behind a wall of misunderstanding of the place where I am, I feel or where I go.
Yesterday it was a complicated day, as of lately. My depression and anxiety that are not cured, has joined a diagnosis that has sunk me more. Borderline personality disorder.
I have had two or three suicide attempts in two weeks. Yesterday I went to a square and I sat down, with alcohol and pills, Itake them as if they were candies, I was swallowing beer and taking pills, until I reached a limit where I said to me ‘no more, please’ For my family, not for me that I would have followed until I finished them. I put the backpack on my head and slept for a while, giving me the fresh air, with the peace of silence, with the freedom of being able to do what I want. But I knew that my family was worried, so I upon awakening against my inner desires, I would have stayed and taken all the pills. I walked down staggering because of the anxiolytics and I went home where everyone was desperate on the street.
This is a day so many more.
In the post that I put, it does not matter so much the content, but also, but above all, it imports the image so that people can read it or give it to me like point of fact I’m going to leave this post without a picture today to see how many likes and visits it gets and tomorrow I will put the same post with a wonderful image. Do you think there will be a difference?.
This has the photo
I has been in the hospital for days again, and this time it has been horrible, because I has been able to recognise me in people with different disorders, not only depression.
I am becoming in a mental pacient like the others that I felt as diferent as the other time.
This has created a shock in me that I can’t talk about it. 2 years and I am every time worse and worse. Its despairing
Fresh air comes in through the window, hardly helps mr relieve the stressing day.
Day full of contradictory emotions: joy, fear of one more failure, incredibility.
And so much emotional intensity has created a tornado through which I let myself go from an emotion to another without time to a breathe, until I has stopped feeling like a person to become just one more object in the hands of the whimsical will of the wind.
When someone behaves differently from the rest and uses a social environment in a different way to normalize a disease and denounce injustices. What adjective would you use for that person?
And I propose a challenge, once you thought the word, look for it in google and see if it corresponds to what you wanted to say, and on the way look for the word crazy to see if it has consistency with this question.
I’m dying for not being able to hear the noise of someone who once came out of my gut,
and because a simple conversation of more than one minute without rest makes my whole defense mecca stand on guard as if I had to fight with thousands of soldiers who come from the opposite side.
I die because I can not be a mother even if I am,
Because I neither can be a daughter nor for 5 minutes,
Because I can not be friends even for a second,
All because I am only a reflection of what I was,
And if you approach and touch me, there is only emptiness.