Today I thought about going to the beach,
Blue sea, warm water, white sand, peace.
But again the doubts,
To fear to take one step more,
The 20 € of the bus,
The books that I have to sell to get 20 €.

Two years ago, I would have jumped up from the bed and would have taken my backpack,
Now I’m still in bed even though I make plans from time to time.

By Espe


1. Yesterday it was a complicated day

Yesterday it was a complicated day, as of lately. My depression and anxiety that are not cured, has joined a diagnosis that has sunk me more. Borderline personality disorder.

I have had two or three suicide attempts in two weeks. Yesterday I went to a square and I sat down, with alcohol and pills,  Itake them as if they were candies, I  was swallowing beer and taking  pills, until I reached a limit where I said to me ‘no more, please’ For my family, not for me that I would have followed until I finished them. I put the backpack on my head and slept for a while, giving me the fresh air, with the peace of silence, with the freedom of being able to do what I want. But I knew that my family was worried, so I upon awakening against my inner desires, I would have stayed and taken all the pills. I walked down staggering because of the anxiolytics and I went home where everyone was desperate on the street.
This is a day so many more.

I propose a challenge

When someone behaves differently from the rest and uses a social environment in a different way to normalize a disease and denounce injustices. What adjective would you use for that person?
And I propose a challenge, once you thought the word,  look for it in google and see if it corresponds to what you wanted to say, and on the way look for the word crazy to see if it has consistency with this question.

Thank you

Os propongo algo

Cuando alguien se comporta de forma diferente al resto yutiliza un medio social de manera distinta para normalizar una enfermedad y denunciar injusticias. ¿Qué adjetivo utiliza haríais para esa persona?. 

Y os propongo un reto, una vez pensaba la palabra buscarla en google y ver si corresponde a lo que queríais decir, y de camino buscar la palabra loca a ver si tiene coherencia con esta pregunta.

Smeel of the sea

Suitcases, trunks and cars, Granada is going to be empty,Free seating on the terraces and free benches in the garde.

flip flops, shorts and illusions in the lookings

New destinations, plans, and some other lookings of disappointment.
Granada is different and although from here I can not smell the sea salt
And I can not see its blue color, I intuit it.
I sense it by looking into people’s eyes.
And in me, in me there is also something of sea, eddies,
The storms of the high seas that make the ships tremble,
and some object that sinks to the bottom of the sea forming part of the for the rest of life

Do you know what is a borderline person ?

That you sit on a terrace with your mother because it has given you a crisis and look for a corner so that the bitch annoys as little as possible. Let the bitch not bark any time and say a single one! To give you something from the lid and with all that I say shut up!

And that an idiot who is on the other end gets up to tell you ‘please do not bother the noise of the dog if possible’, when she has not barked.
A borderline like me gets up, talks to the waitress to to tell him that I’m leaving because I no longer find myself aggrieved since some people have told me that my dog ​​is annoying when it is an open terrace dog and my dog isn’t annoying. The waiter tells me to stay and if simekne dont want an open terrace it musy go away without annoying others people.
But I go to them and tell them that I’m going because I do not find myself comfortable with them there although I think they should leave the place because there are people who do a lot more noise that my dog. And I just wish that when they finish their studies, do their masters and go abroad, I hope they do not being diagnose from a mental illness in which you can not control and a dog help them to go out, and them an idiot people get that they lost their nervous because someone is joking about them.

That is a borderline, someone who is not able to keep the control contro And that’s me now. And many things more, this is just something super light.
Before this you need to take a lot of pills for kicking you out this memory, because you feel in yor life doesn’t exist calm doesn’t exist anymore and anythink carries you  to death

2. Borderline disorder

At the age of 46 and with 2 years of doctor after doctor for a severe depression I have been diagnosed with this disorder that my doctor likes to call it an emotional intensity disorder. Right now I still do not assimilate it and I can not write much about what it means although I have already done it in some post. I have a confidentiality agreement so I can not say anything about what happens in the sessions but I think that does not indicate that I can writing about me not publish because it is not invading the privacy of anyone, only mine, I the public a part of me in the next post.